


Ease My Mind

by imalwaysintune



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Dancing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Making Out, Needles, Testosterone shots, Trans Character, Trans Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Trans Male Character, jon struggles with dysphoria and martin distracts him from it, no gendered language tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:09:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24397810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imalwaysintune/pseuds/imalwaysintune
Summary: “What are you doing?” was barely audible from Jon as his face was still buried in Martin’s chest.“Dancing, silly.”“There’s no music.”“There is. You just need to listen.” Jon shivered as Martin whispered directly into his ear.
Relationships: Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 16
Kudos: 148





	Ease My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Been dealing with dysphoria pretty bad as of late, so I wrote this piece to kinda get out my feelings and turn them more positive! It’s trans Jonathan Sims and then Martin Blackwood being the best boyfriend. Based on this song: [Ease My Mind- Ben Platt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCKbw9OJIcg)
> 
> Possible triggers: Needle mention, hormone shots, feelings of dysphoria (no gendered language). (If I forgot anything, please dm on Tumblr me and I’ll fix it right away!)

Jon sat on the toilet in his bathroom, his hand shaking as he held the needle right above his upper thigh. 

He took a deep breath and moved to insert the needle into his thigh, but the pressure was just too much. He sat the needle down on the sink counter and wrapped his arms around his stomach, hunching over himself. Through the many months and years Jon had been giving himself hormone shots, it had never gotten easier.

Jon heard a gentle knock on the door and wanted more than anything to imagine that it wasn’t real. He didn’t want Martin to see him like this. He was pathetic.

“Jon?” Martin’s gentle voice was muffled through the door, but it still calmed Jon’s nerves somewhat. “Are you okay? You’ve been in there for awhile.”

Jon didn’t have the energy to unfurl himself as he just grunted, a sound he knew Martin would recognize as ‘no’. So the door opened and revealed Martin, his brows furrowed in worry.

Martin was suddenly by Jon’s side, kneeling down beside the toilet. His hands came to rest on Jon’s face, cupping his jaw and fully bringing Jon back to Earth.

“Darling,” Martin’s voice was course with worry. “You don’t have to do this alone. Let me help you.”

Jon paused before nodding and sitting up slowly. Martin grabbed the needle as Jon looked away, and Martin did the job that needed to be done. He had gotten good at giving shots when he had been taking care of his mother, and Jon felt a sense of sadness wash over him.

“I’m sorry,” Jon’s voice cracked, and suddenly tears were falling down his face. Martin quickly cleaned up before gently lifting Jon to his feet. Jon stared up at Martin like he was the most wonderful thing in the universe. And to him, Martin truly was.

Martin didn’t answer, he only leaned down and connected their lips. Jon knew what the kiss meant, he didn’t need words to know what Martin was trying to say. 

Martin’s hands came to rest on Jon’s bare chest and Jon reveled in how good it felt. His chest was flat, and he had the two scars to prove Jon. Martin leaned down his head and left a trail of kisses from Jon’s jaw to his scars, and Jon laughed his breathy laugh when Martin left a sloppy kiss on his chest.

“C’mon, let’s get dressed,” Martin said, grabbing Jon’s hand and leading him into the bathroom. 

“But it’s almost midnight,” Jon protested, yet his body fully followed Martin nonetheless to their shared closet.

Martin started tossing clothes on Jon. They didn’t particularly match, but Jon really couldn’t care. They were Martin’s clothes, and the strong smell that wafted off them calmed Jon’s mind. 

The pair threw on their clothes and Martin grabbed Jon’s hand yet again and dragged him towards the front door of their shared house, bringing them both into the chilly night air on the street.

“Why are we going for a walk this late?” Jon asked as he laced his hand into Martin’s. 

“There’s a place I want to show you.”

“Well what is it?”

“Jon, be quiet and let me surprise you.”

Jon giggled and rolled his eyes, leaning his head onto Martin’s shoulders as they bobbed and weaved through various London streets. The street lamps provided little lighting, yet Jon couldn’t help but look up every so often at Martin, a smile breaking across his face.

Finally the pair reached a small part that was surrounded by trees and had pathways interweaving through the foliage that was littered all around. 

Jon’s jaw dropped slightly as he took in the sight of the place. It looked like a garden out of a fairy tale and Jon couldn’t stop staring at the scene in front of him.

“I’ve known about this place since I was a child. I planned to introduce you to it when I asked you to marry me, but tonight felt a lot more important,” Martin’s gentle voice cut through the silence of the night. Jon looked up at his lover and smiled before bumping his head into Martin’s check.

Martin reached up a hand to ruffle Jon’s hair as he laughed. He then wrapped his arms around Jon and started to sway gently.

“What are you doing?” was barely audible from Jon as his face was still buried in Martin’s chest.

“Dancing, silly.”

“There’s no music.”

“There is. You just need to listen.” Jon shivered as Martin whispered directly into his ear.

Jon took a deep breath and listened to the night. He heard the sounds of traffic in the distance. A squirrel chattering in a nearby tree. The gentle sounds of Martin’s breathing. There was music all around them, however nontraditional it may be.

“I’m always here for you, Jon. You can ask me for help whenever you need it or want it. You don’t have to fight this battle alone.”

“Stop it, you’re going to make me cry again.”

Jon felt more than heard Martin laugh, and he leaned back enough to where he could see his lover’s face illuminated by the sparse street lamps.

Jon stood up on his tip toes and wrapped his arms around Martin’s shoulders, connecting their lips once more. Martin was gentle, slowly bringing his arms around Jon to form a cage.

It was everything Jon could have asked for and more. He was lucky to have someone that loved him so unconditionally when he thought himself to be hard to love.

“I love you,” Jon said.

“I love you, too,” Martin replied.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot of fun to write actually. I’ve been taking hormone shots for almost four months now, and it’s been really difficult. But in the end, it’s all gonna be worth it. I hope you enjoyed this story and if you’d like me to write something for you, hit up my ask box with an idea! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Follow my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/imalwaysintune) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/imalwaysintune) if you would like!


End file.
